I'm going to start this blog by going back 3 days. Don't get me wrong this journey really started in 1999 when my first little blue bundle of joy came home. But since I need to find a release for my own emotions I will start on Saturday and I may or may not work my way backwards 11 years.
Saturday: Doug took his usual day off from being a stay at home dad and went to shoot his gun with his Dad for the day. I didn't anticipate a bad day, because for the last few months things have been more predictable, a little bit more controllable. But this Saturday proved to be different. Patrick pretty much woke up in a bad and difficult mood. Patrick feels that he has to control his brother at all times. Well all day I listened to the two of them back and forth arguing and yelling and picking. I was standing in the kitchen when I witnessed my 11 year old slap his 4 year old brother quite forcefully across the face. That sparked my rage and I slapped my 11 year old across his face, which sparked the Tasmania devil out of my son. He started hitting me calling me a F'ing B-tch. I held him down, which is getting harder and harder as he is getting bigger and bigger. When he somewhat calmed down he packed a container full of toys and ran away. He was gone about 30 seconds to a minute and came in and asked me to call the police because he wants to live somewhere else. Eventually things calmed back down with him and he apologized. I wish I could describe better how scary his rage really is. The change in the look in his eyes, the inability to calm him down. Its just not describable.
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